provenance: unknown

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How to feel clean

1. Attach self to parents who live in house with water seeping into center of back yard.

2. Have parents' sprinkler system installer claim that if sprinkler system were leaking, sprinklers would have insufficient pressure to run. Have sprinkler installer furthermore claim it must therefore be the septic system.

3. Ask plumber about water seeping into back yard.

4. Observe that water is pooling above leaching field for septic system. Have plumber ask how long since septic tank was last pumped. Tell him, 10 years.

5. Have plumber go apeshit.

6. Learn that if not pumped, septic tank will (eventually) push waste into leaching fields, necessitating said fields' removal and replacement. Estimate costs of such operation at $2000-$15000.

7. Get up at 8:00 a.m. Dig out cover of septic tank and first two leaching field boxes. Wait for Honey Wagon.

8. Have septic tank pumped. Learn that second leaching field is clean. Learn that first leaching field is slightly dirty but OK. Put (organic) dye into sprinkler system. Run sprinklers. Discover dye leaking into water in yard via valve in sprinkler box. Curse sprinkler installer. Have first leaching field flushed out.

9. Sing Hallelujah.

10. Replace c. 30 feet3 of dirt and grass sod.

11. Shower.


September 17, 2002 3:07 PM



Hey, at least you weren't growing veggies in the backyard. I've heard of such, and worse.

Like, at least your grey-water system and clean-weater system don't have potential overlapping (should one system overflow). That-a-way, that shower (and all others previous) wouldn't have been too clean.


Posted by rob adams on September 17, 2002 3:13 PM

Heh. Yeah, this worked out OK. The system is basically fine, and this crisis (particularly the week of worrying they'd have to dig up a bed of flowers and other ornamentals) was apparently what my parents (mainly my father) needed to learn how to take care of it.

And I needed the workout, anyway. Plus, I didn't even get a single blister on my hands! Me an' the shovel and the pickax are old friends, I guess.

Posted by M on September 17, 2002 3:34 PM

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