provenance: unknown

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Milk cocktail

Salon.com's article on expired domain names is amusing (as is the thread it inspired on MetaFilter.com), but I mention it here mostly for its title: "I come to bury IAmCarbonatedMilk.com, not to praise it". Because, you see, I have tasted carbonated milk, and it is something, let me tell you.

A long, long time ago, when I was very young, I lived with my father and mother and her parents. And my mother and her parents all shared a certain trait, which led to a certain, near-fatal behavior: They were Hungarian, and they kept a soda siphon in the refrigerator.

A soda siphon, of course, is a device that infuses carbon dioxide, from a cartridge, into water. That is, it makes soda, or seltzer. And Hungarians, I observed from an early age, put seltzer into just about everything they drink.

Now, as I was the child of the household, I was the one who drank the milk. And while I had never observed a Hungarian drinking a milk spritzer, naturally I assumed it was because I simply hadn't met any Hungarian children. Seltzer and orange juice tasted pretty darn good, moreover. The logic was inescapable: Milk wasn't all that hot to begin with; adding a little soda could only help.

The experience isn't one I'll ever forget. When confronted, the Hungarians denied to a man that they would even dream of such a foul concoction, but I don't believe them — such vehemence could only be based on hard-earned experience. And the experience was hard earned, indeed: That one gulp of carbonated milk was more vile than all the saurkraut, the brownish-black gritty stuff my mother once bought and said was "bread," and the dandelion salad combined.

It was that bad.

So rest in peace, IAmCarbonatedMilk.com. You will not be forgotten — no matter how hard I try.

Update: Oh no! (Though it's been a year, maybe it fizzed out already.) Oh double no!

August 7, 2002 11:04 AM

Comments (and TrackBacks)

For awhile in London, like maybe a year, Nestle was test marketing carbo-milk. It wasn't that bad actually, and was flavoured vanilla, chocolate, and coffee.

Maybe your hungarian ancestors fed you carbonated skim milk? Which, to me at least, truly tastes like the rotting animal protein that it is.

You gotta like fat.
Fat is good food.

.rob

Posted by rob adams on August 8, 2002 10:55 AM

I think it was the taste of the carbonated water, actually. (I wonder if carbonating the milk directly doesn't make it taste quite so bad....) I don't think we ever bought skim milk back then.

Posted by M on August 8, 2002 2:17 PM

Oh treble no! http://iamcarbonatedmilk.com/ is back!

Posted by Moo Cow on August 9, 2002 6:29 AM

Powdered milk.
Club soda.

*weeps*

Posted by j.edwards on August 9, 2002 3:11 PM


Powdered milk.
Club soda.

*shakes head*

These kids with their rap music and their fisting and their carbonated milk.

Posted by Senn on August 9, 2002 3:36 PM

milk and soda sound terrible, but ill try anything once.

Posted by Mr. Jupiter on May 22, 2004 11:15 AM


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