Hey! Did you update this thing?

Yup. January 21, 2003. I'd changed, the site had changed — it was a whole new world. The gods demanded that this be acknowledged.

Are you ever going to update it again?

Well, maybe. It's not like anyone's gonna read it twice.

But I read it twice!

Yeah, but I made you up. You don't even exist.

*ahem*. Neither do any of your other "readers."

Some of them do!

Is the old FAQ still up anywhere?

Here.

So, do you still need a job?

I'm always looking for freelance writing and editing work, and am always interested to hear about full-time opportunities, yes.

Are you any good at that kind of thing?

Yup.

So how do you account for all the miserable dreck you publish on this site?

You get what you pay for?

Ha ha. Seriously, what's Provenance Unknown all about?

Nothing much, really. Mostly it's just a place where I can write stuff and feel like it's going somewhere. But few of the things here are ends in themselves; they're all basically just practice.

Practice for what?

Who knows. I just want to learn to write a little better.

But why publish, if your writing's not perfect?

Well, why not? Besides, you never know, I might write something worthwhile by accident.

Why did you call it "Provenance Unknown"?

It just seems kind of accurate. On the Internet, as they say. Also, I do hope that whatever I say here will speak for itself — if it doesn't, it's probably not worth all that much.

What do you use to design and edit the pages on this site?

I figured out just enough Photoshop to create the logo, and did the rest in BBEdit. Movable Type powers the front page and archive, and I code all the layout by hand.

What's up with the free editing deal?

It's something I'm good at, and sometimes words are important. So I figure it's something I can contribute, to give something back, as it were. And if I happen to meet some cool people or maybe even get some paid work in the bargain, then it's even better.

What sound or noise do you hate?

Styrofoam. Anything to do with styrofoam.

What's your favorite curse word?

'sblood.

Why don't you have any personality-test results or wishlists or pictures of your cat on your site?

I don't have a cat. In fact, item No. 16 in my lease states, in all caps no less, that "No dogs, cats, fish, birds, or other animals and pets of any kind shall be brought in or kept in or around the building or premis. either by the tenant or his/her family or guests, or invitees, servants or agents, except by written permission of the landlord. Any pets kept by tenant shall constitute immediate breach of rental agreement."

That's pretty, um ... all caps, huh?

Yeah. And the worst part is, the servants weren't actually mine, they were the cat's. So now I don't have any servants any more, either.

It's a wonder that cats have allowed this blatant descrimination against them to persist.

They have the necessary backing for a broad civil rights package lined up in Congress, but I think their lobby is having trouble making sure the dogs stay in the, um, "doghouse," as it were. But it's just a matter of time.

How so?

Apparently the latest survey showed that 9 out of 10 wealthy spinsters has a cat.

I suppose they need to keep them around, if they don't want to lose their servants.

Exactly.